my26th

2011-02-23T18:50:00.000-08:00

Alright, I wonder if anyone visits this blog. Since I am left with 10 minutes before I go chiong my studies. As always, I like it last minute. I guess we all do grow up and being in a relationship makes me more mature too. I guess we all should just take things easy and aim for stuff which are larger than life. God damn, I'm 20 already and fucking 10 years down the road I will be 30 and god knows I'll be bringing two kids with me. I'll be doing things I wished to do long time ago, I don't ask for myself to make something big out of it but at least, when I'll die without regrets aye. Okaes, time to shit. So long

Return

2010-05-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm back for a little bit :) I'm gonna do my report later at 1030 and hope I can finish half of it. It has been very very very long since I last posted. It's unless I feel negative emotions or plain being emo then I'll come back here. There are so many things happening everyday and everyday is so packed, so little time for a little bit of warmth by the couch and enjoying a great evening. I really hope I can be peaceful and not lead such a life. Perhaps it's really my mindset because I worry so much that I keep having insomnia every night and I don't know how to let things go.

Just want to let go and feel the breeze. I DON'T WANNA CHANGE OFFICE! HOPE A MIRACLE HAPPENS. Well, I know they don't exist but just let it happen for once ya. And to my little prawn, I love you <3 let's work hard for our future ya! I'm sure you can reach your aim b4 30 and we can roam the Europe. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. Waiting~

<3

希望，奢望，绝望。

2010-02-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

当希望变成奢望，它最终将成为绝望。

我好久好久都没有在这里了，回头看一看其实过了这么久，也发生了很多事。

很多的事再多作解释也没有意义。

只是最后得到的又是什么呢？我不晓得。

如果有人会站在不同的角度看一看不同的风景，可能就会有不同的见解。

或许对很多人来说眼见为凭是最好的，可是又有谁可以看到不被揭露的一面。

不需辩解，只要肯细心聆听或许就可以避免很多的误解。

已经不重要了吧。

Fatigue

2009-10-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

Alrights, let me tell you this. This is the best I can tolerate with whatever shit. I am not going to bow down anymore just because who you think you are. It wasn't a good past month and I totally regretted coming here except the shopping. I wished I quit this because of Suntec because things are going way out of hand. My body has its limit and the fuck doctor have to ask me to take the drips and so many jabs. Fuck the canteen food of all times it had to be me. Seriously. =.= I have no idea what the fuck is wrong and I think it's time to stand up for myself. Just because of these I warp myself, god fuck sake, I shall protect myself instead of poor liang being so agitated on the other side. There is no other way I am going to the hospital for the third time. Damn it, I really feel the heat in my stomach coming up. The fuck I cannot sleep the whole night because of shitting watery shit. The next day I have to face the same shitty thing. =.= This is totally crazy. My pretty cute babe would be so worried for me because I was not there for her the whole night. I wished I could call and comfort her. I apologize alrights, because I really have no idea how long this shit is going to last.

<3

At an extreme

2009-07-09T09:27:00.001-07:00

Alrights, as the title suggests. I am at the brink of killing myself because I am getting stressed out by stuff again. So many stuff due on that fucking 2 weeks and I fuckingly have no idea how I am going to cope because I have no fucking time to rest to even study well. I fuckingly want to push my gpa up. In total, it's fucked up.

Okaes, enough of my stupid shit. I gotta say it because I want to vent my stress out. I hope everything is fine and let's all work hard. I am not going to care how hard it takes because we are all working so hard and let's not put everything to waste. We shall make it a memorable one alrights! Danceformers. =D JYJY LIKE A SOMEBODY. Okaes, I am very lame I know. That's why I'm blogging while I should be studying. I don't wanna get so stressed up anymore but I cannot help it. I wish to be there for Nette, I'm really sorry for not being able to hug you and lend you a shoulder. =( I'm sorry to Liang cuz I don't have time to prepare anything for him. You know, I don't know, girls are good at presents for every occasion. But I just don't seem to have the time to do one since like how long ago. =X I'm sorry to myself and everyone else whom I troubled because I stress myself out and I don't know what to do but be crazy and cranky sometimes to destress. All I wish is to see everyone do well and strive together. That is the kind of bond we don't get anywhere we want. You know, cherishing all the good memories and we move on further and further.

One in all, let's JYJY!! And Jo, sleep already. Fuckingly sleep and do your fucking work tomorrow. T.T

Tired

2009-07-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

You know, what can I say now? I'm just tired and fatigue. I know, school only started like one week plus but I am already out of control. I just want to have a holiday. A true holiday when I can rest my heart and yea, perhaps I feel what Nette feels and that's why I am tired.

Rest dear. I love you, I will be here my girl. You always have my back. <3

Just pondering.

2009-06-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

Let's put everything aside, just think about myself. Let me reflect. I believe a load of things have changed, it was never the same. Don't you think so? I just wonder why, and perhaps I am holding on too tight to the past? I wonder about those who treated me well, who gave me the sense of security I thought I needed, who helped me when I needed them the most and I simply left them behind in the lurch of history. Really. I wonder if I am the kind of person who leaves once I make full use of a person and move on to the next. Is it twist of fate? Well, it was stuff that was like eons ago, even if I wanna do something, I will need time machine. =.=

I haven't been reflecting like I use to, not the emo self anymore and yet, still the thinker because I am still thinking and pondering about life now. I just don't procrastinate like a bitch using the high class way anymore. Fyi, if you wish to know more, or you are a loyal follower of my blog, do scroll down and take a look, feel free to see my Chinese blog too, heh it's free! Lame. =.=

Ya, since I came into where I am today, or I should say, since I stepped out of the comfort zone of NHDS, I learned a lot. I now know how privileged we were to clinch that GWH, to dance at PA and to express ourselves freely. It's a different world out there, a load different. Thanks so much lao shi and dancemates! <3 It was so much memories, though we weren't the closest, bestest, whatever it may be but the memories will always be there. =)

Sad to say, now I understand why adults don't like to be adults and vice versa. It's not complicated. Responsibilities come with age. The more you can do, there more you need to bear. It's a harsh fact you can never run. I would if I could, but the fucking fact is, I love to run but I can't run nowhere. Like the hamster turning round and round; cute but you can't find a way out. >,<" I hate life, just as much I hate it, I can't bear to lose it. Funny, ain't it? Haha, am I really myself or am I happier then. I don't know. There's so much of myself that I think I will go bonkers some day. Yes, some day.

Am I very difficult to satisfy? I think only a duplicate of myself can suffice. Haha, whatever. Sometimes I just need to get out of my puny brain, I am just thinking too much. I am a big big girl in a big big world. Heh, that song just comes to my mind aye. I don't know, I don't seem to get satisfied. Is it because I didn't manage to find solace, or I wasn't able to find home all along? I clarify I am not swaying, just plain pondering. =X I am tired, physically. On a mental note, I am not tired, just fatigue. I want to sleep like 20 hours a day, 1 hour bathe and 2 hour eat, the last one entertaining myself with TV.

Dope shit eh this kinda life. ^^V

原谅我就是这样的女生

2009-05-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for who I am, though I know you love me as who I am. I am thankful for everything this special boy has given me and I am still wanting for more. =DDDD

I just love the fact that we can play like kids. The way we can be so free with each other. I know it's tiring whenever we quarrel. It's never easy to ease that pain in your heart and alwsys crying over it. My eyes hurt alrights. X.X

I promised myself, I will believe in you. Thank god for giving me such a boy, I just love him. <3

Life as it seems.

2009-05-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

I know this is it, my stupid saying again but I don't wish to proclaim anything and everything. Just sometimes how I see things are leading to and what is happening just irks me. I cannot help but accept life because this is how things around me are. Actually not everything, just this simple person whom I thought was a friend but yet not. Disappointment is what I can conclude all this while. It's just scary of how faces can turn like pokercards. It's unpredictable and it's never a winning hand. Just how much do you want to make things worse?

Human not necessary preach what they claim and I believe so. It's not lies; it's just beyond comprehension. As much as I wish to, I stand with what I claim. Stand strong; stay strong. Just that human, a being that is beyond anything else in this world, when the world is so simple, why do you have to make things so complicated? It was you who did it to confuse everything, so why do you complain everything is complicated? Hah, life as it seems.

I'm tired. Life is busy, cuz I'm not getting home until 9plus 10 in the night. Studies, work and dance; they just occupy so much time of my life. The stress to study well and to maintain my time with him. It's pushing me but my body has its limits. I try. =)

Miss-understood

2009-04-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

That's just what I wanna proclaim myself as for now. I am Miss Understood because I always say I understand but I am alway misunderstood. Sometimes life is just as it seems. Human; adaptable to their environment, yet trying to retain theirselves, finding that someone whom they can show their true self to. Be it family, friends or lovers, aren't they human as well? So why do we have hostility, dislike and hurt? Is it better to leave it as it is or try to do something? It's not easy at all. What do we see now? As much as I want to leave, I cannot do so. I just hope that one day, someone will bring me out of this place and run far away. Simple as that and as difficult as it is. I just hope that everything is fine.

=) I just wish to attain that kind of freedom in life. Heyys, I think I wanna study philosophy and psychology but I am afraid I will go crazy. Haha, but just let me crap, I'm just trying to keep myself emotionally stable. I wanna cry, rant, scream and go crazy but I cannot, I am still keeping myself composed to think rationally and blog. Sometimes, I just wished I was alone. Then maybe I will be much more emotional but I do not implicate anyone and would try to hope that someone would be there to shoulder everything but shoulder everyhing myself first. This is not the first time that I felt so, and I am not trying to follow any trends. I'm just tired. Physically and mentally especially since school started. It's hectic. I just hope to be understood, as a girl, and as Jo. Just what I need, what I want and what I hope. It's really simple and of course, not material wise. Something that simple but why do I still feel empty sometimes? Maybe I should find nette, but she's not my excuse. I just need that support. =) Let me run away alrights. If I choose to head back to that original point, it just meant that the alternative road was too tough to take or simple, I missed it.

Gwah.

2009-04-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Alrights alrights, school's starting and there's just a little kinda reluctance yea. I want to be myself and just pass the semester while anticipating the next holidays. I know I love to think a lot but you can't help while you have been through that much yea. And it's happy happy %th month to my boy. =) There's a lot more to come and we will make it work. So Jo, you miss nette. T.T Hurhurhur. I really miss my girl a lot. Let's go out someday dear. There's still like 3 more semesters to go, I really wonder how.

Oh yea, did I say I somehow dislike my family now. It's kinda screwed up but hell, since when it wasn't screwed? Gwah, gotta take things in my stride. There's no overnight hatred yea. So peace.

People are afraid of the unknown, just like you and me. So while we are living our time, we should make full use of what we have and live life the fullest. That's it. =)

To LXE

2009-03-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

=) Thanks oldie. xD You can just spam cuz no one will tag also, and I don't want it to expire. =X It has been a long time, not really that long though but enough to make us all drift apart. Be it work, studies and life. Are you talking about me? Haha, okay that was random cuz I just saw your blog. I still thought it was thegreydistrict that one can. =.= I typed this post because I don't know which post to comment on and what I wanna type might be too long. Haha. I noob can.

Yea, life as it seems. You know it, we know it, everyone else knows it. Just carry on with courage and never run away from reality. Cherish all those people that appear in your life alrights! Though some might have retreated but at least they played an important role once in your life. We do change and it's because of the environment and our mindset as well. =) I will miss the times we shared in NHHS. All those stupid but funny moments. You know, it's nice to have all these memories. Though now we have to carry on a new journey in life. JYJY for A's okays, meet you in unversity soon. I hope I can see you at the door, cuz my GPA jialat.

Once again, thanks oldie. =D

Reflections

2009-03-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

Jo's growing everyday. =) Don't take it physically alrights. Yea, I have grown up, from reading my first blog post to the current one. I did change a lot. There's a lot more to learn. Now I know what caused me to change and such. There's nothing to say but just learn my lesson. I'm not the girl who will type in uber Singlish and act cute all the way anymore with additional random rants about daily life. I am also not the girl who will use my sarcastic self with improved English to shoot in certain circumstances. I know when did I started it okays, it was when I was criticised for my bad English and he had to force me to scold him via such a sarcastic way. Though now I still have some of the traits but this time I'm really going to tone down and evolve to a new Jo.

Yea, actually there are some things that I know it myself. Sorry that I chose to ignore it. I hope I will improve this time. If I don't, just leave me as it is. Cuz I'm not worthy. Gwah. Life as it seems. Miss Nette~~ >.< I want to go eat my expensive pastry again at Paragon. T.T Hey, I really wanna enjoy life naaa. Cuz I don't know when I will be sad again. =X Take me away. <3 Nitex!

Jo here =)

2009-03-26T01:21:00.001-07:00

Hey, I find it interesting to read my first blog. =) To gain myself back and also, I realised I love basketball cuz of TTS. xD I didn't use that name for a long time already. Nah, not missing him or anything. Just that Jo, you have been losing yourself now and then. Are you changing? I bet you are, as you can see from all your blog posts. Learn Jo. Kaes, I go bathe liao. Hehe, so long time never talk in this manner. I miss ndp okaes! <3

dun sia lan hor jolim

2009-03-23T04:54:00.000-07:00

hey idiot, u duno who write this do u ? =X

2009-03-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

Surprise!

2009-03-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

Aites aites, now my boy knows how to blog already. As you can see right below this post. ^^ He's cute. xD

Fairy tale

2009-03-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

Hey people, it's been a long time since I updated my blog. I'm pretty busy with loads of work and such. Argh. Speaking about studies, it just makes my blood boil, cuz I'm kinda disappointed in myself. I need to have a good time management to juggle between my mum, my boy, dance competition and studies. I really need to focus on my studies as I want to enter local university. Reality is practical; who wouldn't want a secured job with a secured income.The world outside is not easy, without money, you can't possibly survive alone. That's why I have high expectations of myself. Jiayous Jo! I believe you can do it! Yea, and besides studies, countless incidents had happened this month. I should consider it a blessing, I do believe that happiness wouldn't last forever. However, I am glad that its been with me for quite some time, the feeling of happiness just gather in a cirlce and continuously rotate around me all the time.

My boy; thanks for always being there with me. Everything you do just makes me laugh, giggle and happy. I really want to be with you always, though we need to go through a ot of obstacles. I believe that if the both of us are willing to tackle the problem together, everything will be solved.
I am still waiting for that house at Doby alrights! By hook or crook okay. =D Though I often feel that I am not the type of girl you always wanted but deep down, I know you have fall for me deeply and nothing could change that. Jo will <3 you always.

Eventually, we will grow and change, we will grow into a mature middle-aged citizen who will then have to raise children and talk about financial stuff. Its just part and parcel of life, I have to be prepared that life is short and soon after I hit 30, I am holding a child in my arms. Life is really short to be anyone esle but yourself, jiayous!

Random

2009-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Alrights, just some random post. Just because I'm bored and sick with life. =X Not really but yea, I do get disappointed why there's such a side in life that I have to endure with. It's just pathetic. Let's all be truthful and cut away all those unnecessary emotions. Be frank and straight, then everything gets better cuz we know what's happening. Gwah, whatever. Like I say anything will help the situation better. This is just one side of it. Jo, look forward. Hope for the best, expect the worse. I wanna migrate, I wanna run away and hope it gets better. I know it's wishful thinking, but at least let me be wishful ya?

I will always love my boy. =) There might be times I really doubt myself, but at the end of the day everything gets solved. Yea, it's a learning experience everytime. We grow and change together and hopefully, we become individuals who are able to lead and live well. =) Then we proceed on to inspire more. Like girl to woman and to mother then to grandmother. Lile boy to man and to father then to grandfather. I hope we will see each other through the end, and at the end of the day, it's you I'm with. 多少恋人不费唇舌，在一起却说服彼此不适合。I heard that from Fish Leong's songs, her songs are damn inspiring. Be it for wholehearted or the brokenhearted, it teaches you something. Yea, I know love songs are influential and can control your emotions. I don't deny I am being controlled sometimes, but I do get a hold of myself. =)

No worries, I'm prepared for world end. Let's just all die. It's going to be eventful. ^^

Thankful

2009-03-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

Count your blessings. That's something I always need to remind myself. Though life might be harsh sometimes, there are people you just need to cherish before they retreat from your life and go into someone else's. Be thankful. =) Thanks mum. Thanks my boy. Thanks nette. I love yous! xD I wanna go back to secondary school days. Aha. Childish but simple. Life can be simple as long as I don't think so much. Because trouble comes from within yourself. =D I love to laugh at stupid stuff. It's fun. Life's simple stuff can make it interesting. Thanks for everything. Losses makes you realise the importance of cherishing something. It's just life.

The dumbass. =)

2009-03-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

Heyhey, after so long of disappearance and I am finally back! Heh, actually I didn't disappear very long, just that eveything is still packed though not busy and stressed at the moment. Work is pathetic, everywhere is cutting costs and I am lucky to be hired back in Pepper Lunch, as usual, but with a lesser workload. Count me lucky for the moment.

Then again, due to the ability to slack and space out alone, it's kinda fun to ponder about life and stuff. Yea, as a typical Aquarian, this is what I love to do. I was wondering when I can ever attain that kind of enlightenment and tranquility in my life. When can I go to a place call home, though I might be alone, and just wander the streets while being absorbed into the big big world I am in. I don't mind if I live in a rural area and I have to travel by foot every now and then. I just want to enjoy life with freedom and peace. I guess everyone else would like to have such a life, who wouldn't? I don't think it's fun to rush around everyday just to earn that few bucks and life is just so dull. It's not boring, but just not the kind of satisfaction I wish to attain. As I grow up, I came to realise there are things and dreams you have to give up just to suit the crowd and succumb to reality. Yea, it's all the norm. Apathetic and stereotypical. Yet again, some declaration, I ain't no saint. So, I just like to post stupid questions that is like so =.=

One more thing, it's sad to have family falling apart. So do cherish what you have now, cuz you don't know when it will be shattered. It's not that this is unusual, as someone of the later generation, there's nothing we can do. Other than accepting the fact, do you think crying, talking, shouting or even silence will help? I suppose ignorance is the best thing to do. Close both eyes, shut your ears and cut off all connection. That way, hurt won't knock at your door so fast. It might be deemed as running away, but other that this way, nothing can be done and this is the best solution. It's worst to be the only one shouldering all these shit but what's there to be done when everything is done? I just hope that I can give a better situation for my family next time. There's no point brooding over it. It's not optimism. It's just life.

And then again, life as it seems. My famous saying I love to use since secondary two. =) Life as it seems. It's just like a story. I am a bad person, I bear the sinful thoughts, I have killed a thing or two or more, I couldn't be the perfect person, I am not able to meet all expectations, I am unable to help at times, I am emotional, I am stupid and idiotic, I give sarcastic remarks when I think something is ridiculous, I have expectations for others but I forgot mine, I am lazy, I am irresponsible and I am everything I am. This is me as a human. I admit that I have mistakes but I am not unreasonable. Just that I don't like to be maligned and I cannot even defend myself. Worse still, I have to be judged by people whom I don't even give a damn. It's just not fair to be judged by people who don't even know you. Gah. All these shit. Is it me that is weird or the world's weird? It's me right? Well, whatever.

Hope. I hope that the world will end sooner. Then I will have a reason to die without being punished. How long are we going to take to end this idiot's parade (Recall: Money talks, that's what idiots will say, but you will find out that this world is an idiot's parade.)? Good Charlotte. I love them. =) Yea, let me end all these shit and I wanna rest in peace. It's not a suicidal note. Fret not, you won't find my picture in the obituary so soon. I still have to pay all the debts I owe to mum before I can die and I have to fulfill all the promises I made before finally saying goodbye. Life is still long ahead, I know I have a lot of things not done, not that I don't wish to do them. Just that, life is tiring. Sometimes, I get so tired that I only though of resting in peace. Insomnia is not helping at all. Death might be the best permanent solution. But hell no I am going to do that. Say say only, why so serious? xD Hope. I wish to carry hope in myself and always look on the better side. Okay, at least neutral side can? Hope for the best, expect the worst. Perfect solution. Let's hope.

Love. I wish I can believe in it forever and ever. After my first taste of it when I was 15, I got so crazy, devastated and hurt. It wasn't long and wasn't much but was enough to change my life. =) I wished I could erase it with a eraser, but there's no way to deny it. Even this blog was created for it. Yea, I wanted to face reality and carry on living with it because past is what make us today. It's part and parcel of our life. I just finally understood the meaning of love this time. That time, it was only a one-sided love. It was love. This time, it is a mutual love. It is love. Love come in many forms, and many a time, it's just too insignificant that we miss it by chance. So now, if anyone is in it, try to catch it and cherish it alrights? I will too. Though, you know, first love is always different from others. Or rather, every love is different. Do you notice, everytime you love, it comes with a different value, perception and reaction. Just because you have more experience, you know what to do? Nah, it's not experience. It's just, you are giving love to a different person and thus, the difference. Yea, now then I understand it. Experience might give you knowledge on how to react to the opposite sex but doesn't teach you how to love that one person. It's you who give that special love to that special someone. It doesn't matter who loves who more. You know why? Because love is indispensable, and if someone is either dispensable of you or for you, it just means that it's not love and both of you just don't love each other. Love cannot be measured. If it's measurable, it's not love. Because love know no bounds. It does not come with a definition when two is in it. <3

Enough for today, I shall go rest for tomorrow. Work and dance. Gwah.

=)

2009-02-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

This day, this night, this time; I am engulfed in happiness. It's good to talk things out, be frank and come back to Earth. xD Don't think too much Jo. What more can you ask for? Though everything else seems to be in a bad shape, yet at least this one thing you made it right. Isn't that good enough? Learn to count your blessings, for everything is not here by chance. Cherish everything you have kaes? Be it good or bad. =) Thanks. Loads of love. <3

Escapade

2009-02-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

Let me run; run into the arms which can protect me and dry my tears. Let me lie on the shoulders which will ease all my sadness. Perhaps I need to go back to the independent mindset once more to tide over this period at least but it hurts. I just need a little encouragement, a little love, a little princess treatment. =) I wanna go back to my castle now, I don't wanna run around searching for nothing anymore, it's futile. Byebye! Till I come back.

18岁

2009-02-12T07:27:00.000-08:00

So now, I shall proclaim that I am officially 18 and there is a lot more responsibility for me to bear. Though I am still lazy to do the housework and such, but hell ya, there's no more running away from reality. I have learnt a lot of things from these 18 years and there's more to come. I am thankful for everthing I have even though it is not perfect and not what I wished for. However, human have to master the art of satisfaction. It is purely because humans have unlimited wants and there comes the unhappiness when you cannot attain that want. Be it grades, relationships and your own desires. It's all the same, just because you want and you cannot get it, you get emotional. Thus, I conclude that I have to learn to appreciate what I have and stop being a greedy girl.

Thanks to my boy who gave me a real surprise today in the early morning. =) Thanks for all the effort, it's really nice and I love the cake. It's so kittish. xD Guess who would MRT all the way down from Admiralty and appear at my doorstep at 12am with a kitty cake. Awww. That boy really stunned me can. 0.0 I still thought he was at home, emoing with his brother. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. DAMN, I LOVE YOUR BROTHER OKAES! He is so darn cute! I'm happy that my boy can interact more with his family. =) I'm really glad for you. Then we spent the night together due to no more transport and cannot possibly let my boy emo at Mac rights? Finally, as an 18 year-old, I tried to cook oatmeal which really sucked. Okaes la, hey, at least I attempted to cook la. It wasn't a grand, extravagant or posh 18. Kinda simple, yet sweet and special. =)

Thanks to everyone who wished me, called me, smsed me and gave me presents. I really appreciate it alrights!! =D

Then again, it's time to reflect about this fucked up life. I'm sorry I have to say this but yea, I looked through my photo albums. Life wasn't like this in the past but I am inept to do anything. I cannot change all that happened, but I can change what's going to happen. So yea, I'm not a grown up, I'm just trying to live life my way and not in any way mature. I try to and yea, I am just a human. Who wants to quarrel with mum on birthdae sia? しょがないだろう？=) I shall move on and lead life my way. I have been through a lot and there is a lot more to come, I ain't no saint but I promise to learn to cherish, appreciate and be satisfied.

Happy birthday to Jo! <333

Falter

2009-02-04T09:58:00.000-08:00

I am not trying to proclaim as any saint. I know my limits and yea, perhaps I am the bitch everyone else says I am. Well, I am, as I have always said. I don't wish to ask for sympathy or anything else because it is not fair to anyone else. Just imagine with me for a while; with outrageous family problems, family financial crisis, dance; which I have to work double hard to perform and maintain active in these two sides. One is my past and current dance course, if I did forsake any of each, I would regret for not respecting my passion. The one more him I have to give extra care to; which I wished I could but I never did. And the studies that I dread to have so many stuff to do and extra lessons. Plus that stupid knee that keeps coming back. I am one hell of a greedy bitch. I thought I could manage, but I am just another human. I have emotions, have expectations, have hopes, have mistakes, have bad habits and everything else a human could ask for. I just wondered, why no matter how hard I worked, it was not enough. I couldn't do anything to help mum when I wished I could, I couldn't be there for bestie when she needed me most, I couldn't be the girl for him, I couldn't dance with my emotions, I couldn't meet the expectations anyone else had for me. I have no pride because I have nothing to be proud of. I am a pretender, a fake and full of masks. I have a bad personality. Anything you deem me as. Well, whatever. All these years, I have seen everyone else leave, even my father could. Perhaps that part altered my life a lot and I really have nothing to say. I am not trying to explain or defend myself. I am everything whoever deem me as and I have no rights over it. I judge my own life. I learn, change and pick myself up. I just hope every bad things end here.

Right here.

Childishness

2009-02-02T06:41:00.000-08:00

Talk about childishness, well I am one hell of a good display but I found someone who is better. I don't have to spell it out. She knows it better than me. I worked my way here, not like someone who could slip their asses in. Though it was fuckingly not my first choice anyway. Thanks for being such a good publicity. If you have some guts, fuckingly come show it to my face. ^^ Don't have to use such ways to get your retarded message across. Should I say, if people like you guys have some courtesy to at least tell me or warned me in any sense, I could have stood out. At least I asked. Now who is the one saying stuff is much done and such? I am not surprised that if upcoming situations are the same because I was literally backstabbed as I didn't even know a shit. If this is what you called understanding, team spirit or even a fucking friend? Please say before you even try to play games with me. I do not need to seek understanding, forgiveness or whatsoever simpathetic feelings. I do not need all of these. Well what, I'm just another bitch you see next door.

I would really appreciate if you could use your mouth with improved efficiency. That kind of acts, talks and attention-seeking attitude is getting you nowhere. Trust me, I feel betrayed. As much as I hate to say it, I thought acquaintances you called "friends" would have at least told you, asked you or even kindly spoke to you about underlying issues. However, this is not the norm in the fucking hell hole I landed myself in. You call this adulthood? Well I applaud you for that. Then you have achieved the ultimate level of adulthood.

I will bow and say thank you. Just like a dancer exit the stage with grace and pride even if she fell or tripped. I am not anyone like you, I don't like extra hoo-ha in my life because it is hectic enough. Well, a very big thank you to all of you and thanks for the much appreciated work done. As I might have implied, it seems like I did nothing worthwhile aye? Here's the credit to every big ass effort you put in.

Thank you. ^^

Life as it seems

2009-01-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

Alrights, my famous saying yet again. Life as it seems. Seems like I am back to square one aye? But I guess this is just a simple routine of life. Got loads more to learn yea. I am whatever you deem me as, I have no rights over what people think. Just, just don't play games with me. Simply, if you have any issues, say it out in my face. Don't do things this way, it's just not right. I prefer true than fakes, I prefer to face the harsh reality than playing those mind games. It's boring. How come I have my sec 1 feel again? Hahahahaha. History always repeat itself aye. I just have to learn more. =) I know, I know. I will learn to face it. Damn, I should have gone with Nette in the first place. Jo, just where did that confidence came from which told you that you won't go to poly? You simply landed youself in a hell hole. Or is it that this world is just another hell hole? Do you find happy things in a hell hole? No right, so this world is not yet a hell hole. =) However, a part of it is. And I proudly say that I regretted putting that third choice on that stupid asshole column. Now I hate myself for being an asshole to land myself in a hell hole. Oh, how it rhymes.

Yet, I cannot completely say that the place is a hell hole, just that fucking choice I played with, even if I knew my hand was itchy, I shouldn't have changed that original third choice. I never regretted so much. Never did. Even the worst thing was my first love, this choice was worse than that. Oh god. Enlighten me. Let me run far far away. I don't want to care seriously. Just let me run with my boy. I wished I could proudly announce. Let's elope.

2009-01-16T02:51:00.000-08:00

Digest these:

1. 如果你开心和悲伤的时候，首先想到的，都是同一个人，那就最完美，如果开心的时候和悲伤的时候，首先想到的，不是同一个人，我劝你应该选择你想和她共度悲伤时刻的那一个，人生本来是苦多于乐.你的开心，有太多人可以和你分享，不一定要是情人，如果日子过得快乐,自己一人也很好，悲伤，却不是很多人可以和你分担。你愿意把悲伤告诉他，他才是你最想亲近和珍惜的人。

2. 爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？

3. 没有枯涩的泪水，也没有遗憾，离去的人根本不知道那即将是一场告别。带着微笑远离，是最幸福的一种离别。所有的不舍，留给等待的那个人。一天将尽，离别之后，明日我们还会相见吗？明日，也许是天涯之遥。

4. 也许每一个女人都希望生命中有一个杨弘念，一个徐文治。一个是无法触摸的男人，一个脚踏实地。一个被你伤害，为你受苦。另一个让你伤心。一个只适宜作情人，另一个却可以长相厮守。一个是火，燃烧生命，一个是水，滋养生命。女人可以没有火，却不能没有水。

How true.

5. 爱情无须刻意把握，越想抓牢自己的爱情，反而越容易失去自我，失去原则，失去彼此之间应该保持的宽容和谅解。

Let love go the way it should.

6. 想把一个男人留在身边，就要让他知道，你随时可以离开他。

Aiseh.

7. 有些失望是不可避免的，但大部分的失望，都是因为你高估了自己。

True True.

8. 只想找一个在我失意时可以承受我的眼泪;在我快乐时，可以让我咬一口的肩膊。

Awwwwww.

9. 一个承诺在最需要的时候没有兑现，那就是出卖，以后再兑现，已经没什么意思了。

Yep!

10. 凡事皆有代价，快乐的代价便是痛苦。

Okay, that's all for today. The webbie for 张小娴's quotes is good. So true. Take a look. =) http://www.yandui.com/renwu/11104/ I did cite okay!

At brink.

2009-01-06T05:03:00.001-08:00

Yes, I am listening to classical music now to relieve my stress. Why didn't I choose those chanting sutras, simply because that I an scared that if I play that as loud speaker, I will attract unnecessary trouble. Yes, I have this fear within me. I cannot identify it, it's been with me for long, especially when I am alone at night and able to think of stuff alone. It's a fear, fear to be alone and a fear to not acknowledge that there might just be someone of a different world watching me. I wonder if it's my own hallucinations or what. Please, I want to have a peace of mind. Just leave me. Or is it that I should see a psychiatrist? But I am just tired of all of these shit. Please, leave me alone. I want a new environment.

I am stressed up. And the fucking fact is that I have to push myself to suit the flavour of others. Why? Why do I have to work so hard? Why do I have to be envious of others? Why do I have to change myself to suit others? Why do I have to push myself so far? Why do I have to think about the future?

I don't want to live in the past and having those memories that haunt me. Those scary ones, painful ones and hurtful ones. PLEASE GO AWAY. I only wanna cherish the nice ones, sweet ones and beautiful ones. Maybe it's time to change how I look at things. I don't have to be as pragmatic as I used to be. Perhaps, this ghost inside my heart can also go away. I know it's you, tiny winy little evil thing. Go please. Find another owner. Don't haunt me in the night and make me scared and worry about those stuff that might not come or even happen.

I want to sleep peacefully, have my dreams about handsome boys or even with my boy. I want to look at people straight, I don't want to look at things with a thin glass of mirror within. Even when I look at my boy, I have this feeling that he is so far, not because he is far but because I think I might leave him eventually. Get this clear, how the fuck are you going to leave him when he is so special and close to you. Can't you just love him fully already and dedicate your life to him? Fuck you jo, why do you have to always look at your palm lines and wonder which line you are going to choose? Why are you always signing and pondering? FUCK IT. Just live your life as it is and who cares where it leads to as long as you enjoy this moment of your life? Why do you have to care about external stuff and make your life so difficult? If there is only one source of trouble, that would be your own mind. It's you who put those burden on your shoulder. You could have said no. You could have simply just enjoy a normal poly life with cca and boyfriend. How the fuck did you manage to stress yourself with those extra modules. Sounds dope when you say to people ya, but do you know how much it takes to be there? I want to be paris hilton. So what if I'm a bitch? I am rich. Simple as that. Then I don't have to worry about life and I'm on my heels to Europe.

Hmmmmm. Classical music do help. Yea, I'm not gonna think anymore. I stand strong and stay strong. If anything were to confront me in this life or haunt me in the night, I'm not going to be scared, I will face it with my everything. Trust me, I am crazy. Crazier than anyone you can think of and yet maintain a stable mind. LOLS. I find myself dope and that is final. XD

I swear to god and whoever that is blessing me I will love LIM WEI LIANG this life and never turn my back against him. I will love him with all my heart and never doubt him. I will never look at him with a different eye and will support him as I can. I will try to teh but not change my personality. I will dedicate my life to his and stay with him forever as promised. This time I don't care about the fact that forever is not possible and whatever heartbreaks that I will end up with. I will mingle with his family and treat them as mine. =D I will do everything I can to be beside him. If any girl tries to be funny, you are going to get it from me. =X But I am still a nice lady aye? <3333><

Lastly, I swear to god and whoever that is blessing me that I will take good care of myself and will not think so much. I will take care of my body so as to dance while I can, I will take care of my mind so as to stay pure and kind from this polluted world. I will share my fortune and bless others with what I have, though it might not be a lot and not financially at all. I will take care of my family even whatever happens at all costs. I will not forsake anyone in my life. Most importantly, I will never forsake myself. I will find time to rest and catch up. I will not run non stop everytime. If necessary, I must learn to give up. In this life, I might have lost a lot and gained a lot. I do not deny that I am afraid to lose what I have currently. However, I promise to stay brave and strong, believe in myself and never run away from reality because it is the worst thing a human can do. I stand strong and I stay strong. =)

Thank god and whoever that is blessing me. =)

Hurt

2008-12-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

It's a perfect perfected vicious cycle. Trust me, I am not anymore free even when Danzation is over. My everydae is packed once the performance is over and appointments come flooding at me. Seriously, can't I just have time to think? I not only want time to sleep but also to rest well too. I can't seem to find a secured place to sleep, rest and just close my eyes to nap. My heart and head is spinning and so heavy now. My back and knee hurts but I don't think I have time to do anything until next year, which I hope I can find time as well.

God, is it only when we die then we rest in peace? LOLS. Eh, I'm not trying to be sadist. But I really wanna rest. Physically and mentally. It never ends, really. Just a vicious cycle. Once something is over, another comes and sweeps me off my feet and I can't seem to find a solution and when I do find one, another one pops by and say hi. Just kill me, will ya? But the fucking fact is that these stuff are killing me slowly but it doesn't end up killing me. RAR. I wanna run away. Trust me, give me an air ticket now and I promise to disappear from this world of mine. I will go to a new place where no people know me and I will enjoy the perfect silence of being alone.

Why do I have to work so hard? Why do I have to be so tired? Why do I have to feel this way? Why do I have to always say sorry when it has become a habit? Like even if it's not my fault, I say it for being polite. =.= Even my friends also say it has become a habit and they find it funny. Why is everything so out of place? Why? Am I the one out of place? Zzz. RAR. Okays, enough of me ranting. I'm not going to think now. I'm not going to say what I feel because what I feel might not be what I really feel. I'm just plain tired. I want to rest but I can't. It's not only about sleep I guess. I need that peace of mind. Perhaps I should go MIA for one week. My mind is in a fluster. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't wanna hurt myself again. I am not going to do anything now to break the balance, until I realise what the problem is. Because I know, even when I realise the problem, more problems will come by and say hello again. Fuck, I just wanna love the world I am in, love everyone around me and love you with a whole perfect heart. I really do. But it's so ugh. I don't know what to say.

Believe me, I'm not going to do anything but I will try to find my way back. If it gets worse and anyone choose to leave me, then by all means. I have no right to ask anyone to stay for my sake and no courage to fight for anyone to stay. It has been like that in my past 17 years of life, so ya. I don't wanna be the pathetic little girl crying out but no one cared and still left her again. I just wanna rant everything out but no time eh, I'm going to be late for dance later. =.= Damn it.

Please, hug me tight and tell me everything will be fine. Be it anyone. I just need a shoulder. Don't reject me. Even when I ask my mum to tui my back, she have to say that I am a trouble for her, though she still anyhow tui in the end. =.= God, am I suffering from depression? But I don't think people suffering from depression will realise that they are suffering from it rights? I am crazy. Do pardon me because this is me and it's all I am.

Memories

2008-12-17T00:04:00.000-08:00

Actually, I have been thinking about how the past have affected me and I don't know why it comes back like a nightmare. Just sometimes, I feel guilty to have these nightmares. Jo, it's time to move on (nah, actually I have moved on) and erase all of those memories. It did changed you, it made you what you are today and you can't change it. You know it. But just, don't do anything silly to lose the one you wanna hold on to now. You make choices in your life, it might be a mistake and you learn from it. The mistake might be for short term but it affects you from then on till your life ends because it happened. You also make correct choices in your life, if you know it is correct, then hold on to it, uphold and behold it until one day when it leaves. There's nothing much to do except creating beautiful memories and cherishing what you chose. I really hope it will last.

Jo, you know you are reliving it because you are going to forget about it soon. It's just like a drug, you need to go through it again to show that you are over it. I guess the one last thing I need to go through is to see him again. Once that is over, it's really over. But you need fate to allow you to see him again though. Kinda funny. I just wanna know how he is doing and perhaps, just show him that I'm surviving well now. At least I learnt my lesson, scored relatively okay and went to somewhere due to fate. Am currently taking a different module trying hard to score my AD. xD

I'm sorry for being the way I am. I'm trying hard to leave all of those nightmares behind. However, it did make part of me today. So ya, it's contradicting. I will try to modify it as much as possible. Just like a car accident, you get scars; it will fade but it remains. You get repercussion; it haunts but it can be overcomed. It's the healing process now. The scars faded, and I need you to help me get over the repercussion. At least I found someone whom I regard as the Skye I am looking for. I still remember the times when I stupidly fooled around just trying desperately to find a soul whom I can relate to. In the end, I hurt another person. My bad okays? Really. It's an after effect. A vicious cycle. Oh I like that word. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HEY, I learn from Geography okays. Human geog., my favourite. I miss my days in Nan Hua Dance Society. =D I shouldn't say I miss my secondary school days because it is kinda typical, weird and you-know-it. =) Yea, nothing much to reminisce too. Haha, secondary school is important. It makes you, shapes you and decides your future. So, I'm bringing my children overseas to study ya? Don't ask where I get the money to migrate and that apartment at Dhoby. It's a secret. 'Cuz someone have to rob the bank for that. xD

I must thank the one above for everything that happened to me. Be it bad or good, because you need the bad to realise the good. Thanks for blessing me alrights? =) ilovemyboy <3

=)

2008-12-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

to put it simply, i love that boy. =D i just love the way we are now. though we don't see each other every now and then but i just like it this way. then we are not too sticky and stil can keep in contact while maintainin that simple loveliness and not quarrelling. am gald that we always talk things out and my heart seems to hav settled. not thinking about random stuff and doubting my feelings. kinda great actuali. i hope this continues for long.

ya, it might seem that everyone around is breaking up and having probs but i hope they wil get better and i shouldnt b bothered by it. i can stand bside and help and giv advice. =) i'm always here alrights?

notice the laziness to type well. yea i'm a lazy ass. i will try to maintain my results. i hope i can though i am stil worried about it but yea 船到桥头自然直. it's smth i can do my best but i wont know the overall results ya. oh well. shant explain much cuz i lazy too. be it i make it clear or not. but in anyway, i dun work hard; i work smart ^^. no la, but actuali i'm not workin hard enough. yea, well, ya u noe. the usual thing.

stil stil stil. i just tink that i'm not such a good girl to be worthy of my boy. =) haha. i noe u dun like me to say it again but ya, u noe i cant help but feel dis way. it's just a feelin and ya. i wil try my best okaes? i cant giv u the world but trust me, u hav the best of what i can giv in my world. i said it b4, loving u like i did in the past is not possible bcuz i was so hurt but now, it's the improved, modified and perfected version okaes? so it will be a different perfect love. =D i try my best. <3

Peace?

2008-11-25T01:01:00.000-08:00

Actually since my life so far, I have never believed that happiness will be bestowed in my life and can carry on for a long time. Call it superstitious, call it nostalgic; but being in happiness for awhile makes me think back to the times when I'm sad and emo. Yea, isn't this the most idiotic thought ever? How can someone get bored of happiness and long for sadness. It's not that I long for it. I just don't believe that happiness stays. That's all.

I'm in such a peaceful mood now and I'm reflecting on a lot of stuff. I like to stare at the sky faraway and just ponder about life while listening to slow music. Kinda stupid but yea, I don't have time to relax and now is just the time when I'm free of all unnecessary thoughts and only thinking about life. Well, I'm having Japanese lesson later, it doesn't make me any less busy.

Suddenly, well not suddenly, I just think that I'm way too independent sometimes. Perhaps it's an aquarian thought. I cannot stay in a crowd for too long, I prefer to be alone sometimes. Loneliness is something so familiar that it's like a friend. Being accompanied all these while makes me miss it a little and now it's just back to visit me a little. I'm actually glad now. =) Really. I don't feel bad, excited, sad, happy nor anything. I just feel peaceful. Pretty good feeling aye.

That's why bestie and me clique so well. =) We both need that space to ponder. Her, being an S person and me, an I person. Different but similar. I love that. Yayness, I'm meeting her on fridae and we have loads of stuff to catch up. I'm really thankful to anyone up there blessing me with her. I just know I won't lose her. Never ever. <3 that girl.

Oh yea, and since I'm in polytechnic for so long. I just dread that feeling of people desperately finding companion. It's just like a survival skill; if you don't have friends, you die. Like it's so pathetic sometimes. Just people desperately searching for attention, tell me just how much true friends do you have? I will answer that for you. None. It almost apply to all those people I have seen out there. I don't know why. I'm not trying to act like whatever saint here. Just how I feel. Damn, now I know why I can be so distant. I am friendly but the road to my true feelings are that far. Like what I experienced in my course or cca (okae, more like my whole environment) is rotating in this cycle every now and then. Kinda pathetic but no one can help it. I just wish before everything fades away, the true friendship that I had found will never fade. Nah, it will fade, just let the good memories stay will do. =)

Oh and my boy. It's kinda fated I guess? Seriously, no matter how much I ponder, I just cannot figure out why we ended up together. So I concluded it as fate that brought us here. =) Actually, we really need to go through some obstacles together, then we will realise the importance of each other, and whether we will make it or not. Though nette and me didn't really quarrel or anything but we were there for each other at our lowest moments. Our deepest thoughts, deepest secrets and deepest side of our heart were exposed to each other. That is why we read each other like a book. ^^ Boy, I really want to go that far with you. Trust me, I really do. I now know why I had all that feelings. It was because we didn't knew each other that that that long enough. We need to go through all of the milestones in life to prove that we are meant for each other. Isn't that why we got together? Just being there for each other when we need it. Believe me, time will prove. Actually, I guess you would have thought about this already. It was me who was unsure all along and having all those stupid thoughts. I apologize for that. Now that I really sit down and ask myself, ponder about it; it is actually me who didn't give a thorough thought and said all those hurtful words. I shouldn't have been so selfish all along. I ain't no good girl. Pardon me for being such a bitch. =) After I typed down what I thought, I feel much better and secured about my own feelings as well. It's as if my feelings have settled down again. Yea, getting together and all those uproar by those people. I did get annoyed but now, I'm not gonna care. Eventually, it's you I'm staying with and I'm not gonna let go so easily. Once I said you are Skye, I won't ever let Skye-type of guys slip away ya. This might sound mean, but even if I don't like you anymore, I will keep you by my side, call it possessive. Well, I am. If I cannnot have, others can forget about having it. ;D <3 that boy.

So I have wasted the past hour typing down what I thought. Heh, actually I wanted to do French eh. Nevermind, the oppotunity cost of sorting out thoughts is much higher than not doing French. I can still do it tonight. Well I am one lazy ass. Woots. Facing stuff is better than running away. Moreover, what's there to lose? Not that I have never been to the lowest point in life before? So why should I be afraid of something that's not even happening, or might happen but might not be the worst? I have found the two most important people of my life. It is sad that they are not from my family, but the horoscope did said, aquarians have no fate with their family. So yea, that's why I believe in superstition. xD

Glad =)

2008-11-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

Heh. I was kinda glad I could say things out. At least I said my piece, you know my stand and we will overcome stuff together. It's not easy, I know, but let's give our best lest we regret this life. Stuff ain't good around besties but I hope at least it will be resloved. It's kinda bad looking at people leaving and you are down here being sweet and such. But yea, there's nothing I can do either but to lend a listening ear. Take care loads people. I'm always here. =)

I know you are my Skye boy. Thanks for appreciating who I am and being my guardian angel. =) I love you. <3 Daddy~

<3

2008-11-16T04:57:00.000-08:00

Alrights, I did proclaimed a little when I said good things aren't good to brag and blog about. But just this time, let me self-proclaim a little.
JO IS IN LOVE WITH LIANG <3

This is probably the first time I did in my blogging life but yea, that boy's a special boy in my life. Every now and then, his memories won't leave me. He made me feel protected, pampered and most importantly, loved. Thanks so much for appearing in my life. It's kinda early to say about such stuff now but I don't know when I will be sad again, so just let me show off a little. Remember to be envious. =X

Yea, I feel like a princess again. Just simply, happiness engulfed me yesterday. Nah, not only yesterday, probably every now and then. =D It's kinda scary when stuff happened one after another yesterday. I don't have the hobby of blogging every single thing that happened everyday. But right now, let me type this down, in case my memory tries to be funny with me in any point of time in my life.

After we did proclaimed our status offcial, I'm kinda glad he fetched me. None did in my previous ones. Probably everything was kinda expected and cliche, but you know, when you are in that situation, who cares? It's that simple cliche thingy that makes everything so sweet, aren't it? Then we went to movies and stupid enough, I really don't get the movie. I am proud of myself okaes! Due to my creativity and courage. Hatsu koi to chuuu~ desu ne! Ureshii yo!

Then we went to celebrate Jiajie's birthdae, did told the guys and yea, envious people and such. Well, I don't really care about other stuff as long as I love my boy and he loves me.

Kinda left early due to the overnight stay and awkward chuu was kinda cute. Hey, I just realised it was his first initiative eh. But oh well, can't blame him. =D I promised to be the one ya. That cute boy piggybacked me, hahahahahahaha, but I'm so much heavier. 2 Heart attacks! Bleah.

Went home to get stuff and wanted to catch the last train but to no avail and lucky incident number 2: we met NETTE <3!I told nette the night before that I will update her the next night and true enough, it was a face-to-face confrontation.

We went to my home to get my attire and here comes lucky incident number 3: DADDY offered to fetch me and him to his house then to Lester's house? Like how the hell can this thing possibly happen? Probably because he saw those flowers and he knew someone was waiting for me. It turned out kinda amicable and yea, it was a good thing. =) I'm really glad you know, it never crossed my mind this would happen.

By the time I reached my boy's house, it was like 2 am already. His house is on the 7th floor, 077 is his unit number and here comes lucky incident number 4: how the hell can NANA be related to 7 and eventually his house and unit number? It was kinda fated and sweet when I realised it, now I know why he wanted me to visit his house. And imagine, whenever he goes home, he will see my name. xD Okays, I'm kinda sick to want him to think of me everytime but yea, think about it, isn't that what every girl wants?

Then we proceed to Lester's house and I did some work. I love lying in his arms and sleeping. Listening his heartbeat and sensing his breathe near me. It feels so safe and secured, and most importantly, protected. I don't mind being his bolster. xD Just simple stuff like listening to music and lying in his arms can make me feel so contented. It's kinda magical and I know how it feels to be the little girl behind her boy. It's just so happiness-like.

Yea, I'm really tired now because I intended to sleep but ended up blogging instead. I'm afraid I will forget the details as time goes by. =X I don't care about the future, let's just be who and what we are, the others we will deal with it as it comes. Yea, but boy, I really am so crazy over you, so addicted to you and most importantly, so madly in love with you. <3

2008-10-29T20:47:00.000-07:00
Simply said, it's confusing for an aquariabn to fall in love. I feel like crying now. Like literally T.T Haha, but it's not going to help. I'm sick and tired of thinking all the possibilities and being thrown from hell to heaven and to and fro everyday. If you know what I mean, if you know how I feel, decide and do something already.

Confusion

2008-10-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

If love is something that is so straightfoward and direct, wouldn't it have been a lot easier to show these feelings? I am undoubtly confused but I hate to do anything to lose that friendship more than love. I do think a lot and that is why I'm head over heels for you now. Yet, I cannot do anything, I said before I will never show my affections, and that is a trait and too bad, unless you move, I move, or else goodbye. Let's just stay this way for awhile, and when I know it's you, I will be yours eventually. =)

<3

Sorry

2008-10-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being a bitch. You know I am. Sorry for being so childish, naive, not receiving and lying. I know I am bad at that and I know you know it. Maybe I am allergic to strangers. That is why. Sorry my dears. I ain't no saint. I cannot change what I think for now but I will try ya? Don't think so much. I just wanna be alone at times.

<3 to my loves.

I am crazy

2008-10-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

I know it is pretty lame to blog now as I still have lessons tomorrow but I just cannot help it yea. Because, I am just being a little crazy now. I miss him, I missed the person who made me this way. He wasn't fully responsible but yea, call it nostalgic. I miss you. Just let me proclaim it a little. It may be years back but perhaps, he was just buried there and tonight he just came back to visit me a little while. Was I trying to prove myself that I had made myself such a fool all these while? I don't know.

I'm really sorry I couldn't commit to all of my commitments and I had to give up. It's actually my own problem. I had no one to blame. Sorry yea, for thinking that I can cope, actually I can do nothing. I'm really sorry.

Disappointment

2008-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

Like okays, I will only blog when I am feeling down because this is my only way of destressing and happy stuff aren't good to brag about. Seriously, perhaps there is nothing in life for me to be elated about. And really, can mum and dad just divorce already? I hate being the freak here looking at soapy dramas everyday, they try to hide it, I try to fake it but it's not gonna help it. Why do you have to stay out late because that guy is back? Don't try to be funny, even a virgin like me know what's happening. I know what you need, I don't mind and I freakingly am okay with it. But can you don't try to deny it, hide it and scold me when I have shown so much consideration for you? Have I ever told you I am playing all holiday and not working? Have you thought your daughter is having fun this holiday? Yea, she did. In a pretty tiring and depressing way huh. And you, can't you just stop your excuses and apologize? Don't try to ask me to understand ya? Don't try to talk big ya? I hate that fucking attitude of yours. I know all these shit you do outside and don't freakingly come act pathetic infront of me. I ain't no saint my dearests. I am a human, I have feelings, I can pretend but get hurt. So fuckingly spare a thought for this lonely, pathetic, selfish, spoiled, already dying princess. You know, it's not easy to endure all these shit alone. You know how envious I am of all those happy families outside? If you guys had just left me when I was young, probably I wouldn't feel so bad. Losing happiness is the worst thing a person can endure. Fancy the life I have now? Looking at all the happiness fade away and be engulfed by darkness bit by bit. Yea man, I do look fine and can relate my situation in the least destressing and funniest tone possible, but do you know how I feel inside? Damn, as if anyone knows.

I guess I have been pushing myself too much and I am going to be missing these two days, you might see me online but you won't see me anywhere physically. Sounds like a ghost ya? But I need sometime alone.

The more you hang out with guys(mine have been these 17 years though), the more you are disgusted by the way they are. That's what I have learnt since I have been this far. All these guys are driven by material, lust, looks and superficial being feelings. Oh so what if I'm not all dressed up, so what if I am not the most appealing girl in town, so what if I might not be the most demure girl you have ever seen? Like fuck, do you have to judge me base on these? Come on, any girl can make you feel like the king of the world, as long as she is a she. Is this how you base your idea on girls? Get a life. Seriously, and you don't express likings for a girl just because she is beautiful. That is so uh, superficial. I understand the "choose your own calibre" part as discussed with nette but some topics are really out and come on, love to them is just an eye candy, not something deep and touching. I am no hardcore romance idealist but I just don't wanna love the superficial way, it's disgusting.

Pardon me for being totally rude and sarcastic, well, it's me complaining about this world and yea, I do get pissed off because nothing goes my way and I am spoiled and I will throw a tantrum. Pretty easy to see ya?

I am not going to put myself in others' shoes anymore, the more I help them to lessen their burden, it adds on to mine. Like freak, I am not going to say yes when anyone try to ask me for a favour or anything. The more I try to comply, the busier I get and more stressful it feels. So it does pay to be selifish and I am gonna be one hell of a bitch. So don't mind me.

Most importantly, I am disgusted by myself. Yes, this is the main point. I hate the weakling like me, who lacks all sense of security, power and most importantly, confidence.

This is why I say I wanna die younger, I seriously hate my life, hate myself, hate darkness, hate being useless and my body is getting weaker and weaker each time I exert it. So, it all goes to a point which I can conclude I will die early, and of course, that lifeline ya? How would I not know?

It's all these promises I had that kept me holding on, perhaps, it was there for a reason. One day, I shall find the solution and run away with pride, leaving all these shit behind. Go to Isle of Skye, with my lavender garden and small hut. I don't mind being alone and will enjoy the serene presence. Just let me escape already. Gosh.

Life aye.

2008-09-14T10:32:00.001-07:00

I might be a bitch as I seem to be but yea, I fuckingly am one hell of a bitch. I suppose so because I'm freaking frustrated with some of the stuff I do sometimes. It never goes well you know. I really don't mind if my life is going to end some time which I don't know when and it can be anytime. I just don't want to leave before my mum does. She is the only concern I have before I really leave this world, and dearest nette, I will never leave you alone and will always be there like you have always been for me.

I know I am crazy sometimes, I just can't seem to get rid of some feelings, it's like pestering me all these while. Whenever I try to like someone especially, I wonder if it's a kind of fear, or phobia or even scar. I really want to move on already. Don't try to be Mr. I-AM-HURT-BUT-I-DON'T-MIND-AND-YOU-TAKE-CARE-OK?. I seriously hate that tone of yours. It irks me, disgusts me and makes me want to puke alrights? I sound mean and I know that, and I have no better substitutes for that because I freakingly don't need your concern anymore. Mind your own ass alrights? Allow me to hate you. I guess that would make me feel better. If you say you understand how I felt about what had happened, I guess you were just faking it. You didn't.

Last thing to add, I guess I love my mum too much that I don't show enough concern. I'm self-centred and selfish. I want the whole world to revolve around me and I know it pretty clearly. Sometimes, I really hope I can put myself in mum's shoes and think for her. But damn, I'm such a child. She sees me like a crystal, something precious and easy to see through. I'm glad that she is by my side, she even know which bread I will eat and not. Damn, only she knows me so well.

Not I wanna shoot hor.

2008-07-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this is the first time I ever met such a self-righteous person. WTF la. Zzz. As if he got do anything as he claimed he did like that. Oh please la, like we are very dependent on you. O.o If you have any idea about your contributions, you shouldn't even write that.

I'm only typing now cuz I really cannot stand it. Leaving everything to the last day? Then spam me with all those files and asking me to not get angry? LOLS. I mean seriously, use your puny brain and think about it. If you think you did a lot, let me ask you again, did you think that your English is very good? Did you even try to do everything FAST enough to allow me to carry on? Did you think you can look down on people like that? Screw your self-righteousness. Maybe we are slack or what, but could you think in our point of view? We have our own commitment and please, accept what people comment about you. If you are not like that, we didn't have to say it.
Don't even try to describe us like what? Worthless earthlings? My princiPAL taught me to have princiPLES. And my principle is to work even if others may not. Since we are in it, why not just do it all?

How do you help by not helping? It's disturbing to know someone actually had these kind of mindset you know? Its disgusting because you are worse than a slacker. You should go to JC since you are so selfish. Really, I cannot stand it. Please do not think that your morals are so high above, that the others are nothing. Omg, get a life.

Actually, I won't tag anyone.

2008-06-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

Instructions: Remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. What are needed to be my boyfriend?
Someone who understands me. Simply said, soulmate. Well, I would perfer him to be a dancer, no particular reason though. Maybe I thought dancers would think alike?

2. Who will you go if someone sponsors you a couple tour tickets?
Me and my mum.

3. What’s your favourite thing to do?
Dance, sing, eat, sleep and maybe be with the one I love, though that's the only one I never did.

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Yes, somehow or rather, though it's not 100% happiness, but it contributes to about 50% of it.

5. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
Maybe to live in eternal happiness?

6. Do you prefer a kiss or hug?
Can I say both? But I would prefer kiss if you ask me to choose. It's magical.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Nothing, we will have to lose everything one day, eventually.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Make my family better, then donate 20% of it to charity.

9. List out 3 points of the person who tagged you?
Hmmmm. Funny, lame and lamer.

10.What makes you happy?
To live in happiness? Duh.

11.What type of person do you hate the most?
Liars and those who break their promises.

12.Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
Hmmmmm. SUPERWOMAN. Lols.

13.If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Sleep anywhere.

14.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Everything.

15.Any childhood memories you’ll like to re-live?
When I was still young and innocent.

16.How old do you want to get married?
27

17.What's the most pressing thing you would like to do in a new-born relationship?
Hug him tight and fall to sleep in his arms.

18.Are you courageous enough to go and tell the person that you like he/she?
Nope, I would never do that in my life. My principle is that a girl should always wait for the guy to say it, though you can hint him a bit but not tell him.

19.Do you think you're pretty/handsome?
Not 100%.

20.Do you enjoy your current life?
Somehow.

And, I'm not going to tag anyone. LOLS. Cuz I'm lazy to do so and I have no choice but to do e quiz. =.=

Finally.

2008-06-16T05:05:00.000-07:00

I came true to all my feelings. And it is all in my chinese blog. >>>>> on your right the first link. Haha, but I guess no one reads my blog so it's okaes even if I blog about it or not. But at least I feel better when I came clean with all my feelings and fears. Yes, all these years that I have been running away, it's time to face it. Never felt so good and relieved before. =)

FATIGUE.

2008-06-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Working sucks. I cannot imagine when I go work next time as an adult. I wanna sit at home and shake leg. Lemme be rich. =.= And damn, I wanna club and drink but seriously, none of my friends in poly do? Like no one jio one can. Zzzz. Okay, nette, maybe you are the ONLY one who say, "let's go drink!" LOLS! And I've got you to bring me home, so it's fine! xD Fate again, I wannna change the state of my life, not worse but better and there's nothing I can do. Seriously, how pathetic can I get. Blahx. Really, life is meaningless except studying and working for money. =.= RAR. Okay, so I guess all the birthday wishes or all wishes I made this whole life never came true except for that one and only one? Which is so lame? Unfair. Zzzz. Haiz. Life as it seems. Nobody's home is the song again. =.= Okay, it's no life.

Life is normal?

2008-06-04T10:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I shall type properly today because I'm feeling fine. I guess I like no one and that's set for now. Maybe I'm just daydreaming too much previously that I misled myself? After talking to my dearest nette, I guess I finally understand why is it so difficult for guys to get into our world. Its cuz we are too scarred in our first love. It's a truth that cannot be denied, we have to face it. We need a guy of name "soulmate", I guess. RAR. I wanna drink and drink. I wanna let all of these feelings out. To someone who understands and will face it with me. Really. The hell I can find such a perfect guy. Well, I'm not the perfect girl but I guess, it's not too bad ya.

By the way, I'm going to help out in NDP. Hope that can make my dull life a bit livelier. Since the world is coming to an end soon, I shall live it with no regrets and do all the things I want. But I won't be doing stuff beyond my comprehension. Yea, cuz I'm not so dumb.

People, visit my blogshop. www.freewebs.com/vogue-diva Thanks! I guess no people reaad my blog, so nevermind. =)

when i needed someone the most

2008-05-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

rar. lyk wth. things r jux cumin down on me one after one. they dun seem to stop. first school, send family and third, something i yearn yet cant touch. elearning week is so crap cuz i'm so fucked up wif projects n my own pace is broken due to extra stuff. now i study lyk e slacker in sec sch. dam i wan my GPA 3.5 sia. dun be liddat to mi. n i seriously hate projects. i tink i would rather go jc now. but den its fate again. so i shan't crap on smth i cant change much.

den again, family, i guess it is fated dat we will fall apart. n i'm so sorry dat i am oways dis selfish. i will never b able to spare a thought for others. mayb my dad esp. mayb, ya, i tink too much n i dun but watever. no one wil understand i guess. see e fact dat i dun even wanna type properly.

n den again, dere is dis someone, i wanna sae smth i wouldn't dare. emperor not anxious y muz i be so anxious? forget it. mayb my skye wil cum sumdae soon or mayb he wont ever be. bah bah bah. SKYE WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU???

zzzz. okaes. even if i shout or cry, i guess he wont cum. yea, n my long long pri sch mate is cumin back. hope he reali treat me to a drink cuz i freakin nid it so much. lemme jux get drunk. i wanna b dead drunk n nvr wake up. i wanna forget abt all these shit. seriously. i'm so dead now. i guess no one can understand how i feel cuz i cant even comprehend it myself.

life as it seems

2008-05-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

yest went to see sin seh but i guess he saw smth else den my injuries. lols. yaa. he saw my life. probably everything jux falls into place wen he said it. i reali reali wonder if i can make things right dis life, cuz things r seriously goin wrong as time goes by. from my childhood til now, reality jux bcame harsher and harsher on me. haha. mayb i'm jux emo but i hav reason to die but i wont until i live life to e end. i guess it's all these setbacks and those precious ppl dat u meet aft these setbacks make you wanna live on. i reali wonder abt it. i hope we can end up in the right place cuz he make my heart aches loads. or mayb it's jux i'm hallucinating. =.= lols. but nonetheless, i cant do anything now but to wait for the answer to come. or mayb no asnwer would cum, mayb i would jux lose my bet. or mayb i would win my bet on another hand. rar, life as it seems.

after emo dae

2008-05-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

okok, i noe it's some wat lame but i jux nid a place to vent it all out. i'm a problematic gal i noe. cuz e probs r not for me but for ppl ard mi. i jux worry for dem. u believe? lols. haha. i guess it jux wasnt e right time for me to step in and help, cuz i wont and can never help. no matter how much i cry for help, no one wil ans n i noe. it's jux futile to cry and nothing wil change. one thing wil change though, my eyes wil change. i'm reali scared if i go blind. seriously. i'm afraid i cant see myself in bridal dress. lols. pray hard i can see lahx. i mean dis is stupid but i cant help but wonder. aft dat incident, i'm dam worried wen i cry too much. omfg. its so scary lahx. lols. but nvm at least i can see for now. i stil wanna keep my eyes for isle of skye. =) and e fkin chin blog cant use. how i wish i can blog dere. zzz.

emo day

2008-05-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

i cannot stop crying todae. it just all came out. after talking to mum. i felt lyk a burden to her. i cannot help her. not i didnt wan to but i just cant help. i certainly can survive when she's gone, but i'm so lonely. i have been alone all this while, and there's a limit to how much loneliness i can take. i dont know why, i'm always the root of trouble. y am i the one? can someone lend me your shoulders. i just wanna cry til the morning but i cant. my eyes would be too sore. i couldnt do anything to help anyone but i'm trouble to everyone. nobody's home. that's the song. i always felt like it. sometimes, i just wanna giv up but i cant. dere r promises i have to keep. but i'm so tired of all these shit. y is my life so screwed wen i tried my best to live it right? dis is so unfair. should i always b e one thinkin for others and sufferin alone in the corner? i'm so sick of it. pls, pls, pls, someone stand by dere for me. i have no one to rely on. nette is e bestie gal i ever met. my bestie forever, yea and but dere's one thing, her shoulder not big enuff. aiya, i dunno how to explain. but jux not. i noe in dis life, sum stuff i hav to jux let it go by. no matter how hard i try, it wont cum to me and it wont b right. how? tell me wat can i do? tell me how to do it. i'm so emo todae, all e feelings i kept so well all gone at once. i noe dis is dumb, i noe i appear so happy ard but dere r times wen i cant keep up dat cheerful self. dere r times i hav to take down dat mask. and let e tears run b4 i put dat mask again. pls if anyone. jux make my life better. even i dont know how to, how would others noe? wat a joke. dam wat a joke.

Poly life

2008-04-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

HEHE. Poly life is fun lahx. At least I have friends, so no need to solo. Yea, am having much fun. Esp todae cuz I found real cliques aka gamers. Like same type of people lahx. Ya, but nvm. I can clique anywhere. xD jkjk. But ya, better to have more friends rights? And one more thing, I won't wanna court trouble anymore. If you know what trouble I'm referring to, cuz I can sense it coming. Ya, pray hard I won't have to deal with it unless it's those two cards I wanna bet about. Pray hard.

By the way, losers are always losers. I cannot imagine how a guy can be such a loser with no dignity. He so LOSER. Maybe I sound like a bitch, but what he did was more than what I did. He thought I SHOULD BE GUILTY ALL MY LIFE? Fat hope. If you are such a jerk, do I have to be guilty? I should be more happy to have dumped you lahx. Cuz you are such a unworthy loser. I don't care what others think about me in this post and I'm gonna blurt it all out cuz I can't stand it anymore. Fucker, why won't you just die? You think I owe you all this? You think I made your life so fucking miserable cuz I dumped you when we "stead" for 2 days? HELLO, even idiots won't care about it cuz it's like a one month thing and it have been one year already. All this whole year I have been looking and talking to such a loser, trying to encourage him and ease my guilt. But what he did was sink deeper and think I ought to owe him, and I would go back to him if he's so pathetic. =.= What a joke. You owe me efforts of talking, feelings of guilt, disturbed and disgusting emotions, $6 ticket and a $1000 handphone I lost when you were so emo. =.= Gimme all that back, as if you can. Get a life, loser.

Seriously, if you wanna be so calculative, you owe me more. Don't keep thinking that you are always the victim. I'm always the victim and I didn't have to show the world. Cuz I have dignity and I can suffer and take on all these alone. I'm not so weak like you, I can take setbacks and stand up again. I stumble but I pick myself up. You don't judge my life and you are of no rights to do that. So fuck off and go wallow in self-pity.

Pft.

=.=

2008-04-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

Bwah. I know school just started and I'm not supposed to slack but seriously I am slacking even when I try to make myself busy. Maybe I should say that poly life is slackish. Lols. But nevermind, good start from my almost rotten holidays huh. And I shouldn't be thinking about all the emo and negative stuff, but when I see my dad and the way I got scolded when I already pushed myself so far, I just can't help it. Thanks to nette who is always there for me. Ya, after you graduate and you will know who are your besties and that's 100% true. Still, I think being in NHDS is one of the most blessed thing that happened in my life. Glad that I learned so much there. And met a great lao shi and friends as well. I <3 NHDS. =D

Now, my eyes are freakin' swollen due to excessive crying last night and extensive crying the whole week. It's like I can't sleep, I can't rest my eyes when I'm already so tired. =.= This is the illustraion of my eyes now. Smaller than the already small eyes. Blacker than the already black eyebags. I'm so tired but I can't rest well. Zzz.

Next thing is, I wanna fall in love. Like seriously, not the normal flirt, fling or whatsoever. Like a real, pure, passionate, sweet sweet love. But that is like what? Only happen in primary school?
How are you suppose to find "normal" guys like those in primary school days who are so pure and plain cute. -.- Blah. Blah. Maybe I'm just crapping but whatever.

I wanna escape from all these shit. Will you runaway with me, boy? Wipe my tears and hold my hand already.

I'm so freakin' tired of you

2008-04-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

There are things which I've said and done. I didn't wanna sound harsh but I did and the results, he wasn't a least bit affected. Damn it, can't he just get over it and done with? I'm sick of his small little acts. If he doesn't move on then I will have to but please, do not use those little tactics to make me guilty, or should I say, "Do you think I will come back to your side?" Wishful! I guess you are thinking too much. Haha. Do you think I will just go with you like that? Look at your pathetic self, I cannot imagine how low you can sink due to a 2 day relationship. Damn hilarious, even if you don't say it out loud, I know it. I know what you are thinking. Please, I will NEVER EVER go back to you even if it means to be a nun. Man, I'm just going to leave you loitering there if you don't wanna pick yourself up. I have to go into new relationships and don't hinder me. You are an eyesore.

应该还是看开点吧

2008-03-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

就今天，让我看开很多事。

不管发生什么事，我或许不应该再那么任性妄为了。

有些事不管怎么希望，都还是那个样子。

再努力的去改变他，又或许只会弄巧反拙。

命运的事，就让它自己去找路途吧。

反正到最后，依然还是选择题，答案是自己选的。

只要时机对了，选择对了，答案自然对了。

如果最后不对了，也不要后悔，要秉持着自己的选择一直走下去，不是吗?

人生啊，不过就这个样子吧。

我不想再活在记忆里了。

里头有好有坏，坏的记忆怎么忘都忘不了，一直就像噩梦一样的缠着我。

好的记忆，就一直回来梦里找我。

结果依然是怀念记忆，再好再坏，它都会回来不是吗？

我不想想了，过了今天，才发现时间真的是最好的药。

一切在时间的冲淡下，变得毫无意义。

记忆仅供回忆，对未来一点帮助也没有。

所以啊，是时候抛弃过去，好好的开始了。

我已经懒得去想过去有多气，多伤心，多开心，多彷徨。。。。。。

闭上眼，叹一口气，一切就如此的过去吧。

该来的总会来的，该走的不会多留片刻，我们只要坦然接受就好了。

我想我现在有一个八十岁的想法。

哎，应该是在家里烂太多天，有点把思绪都搞清楚了。

“老天爷会为那些曾经付出努力的人，搭起一个叫偶遇的桥梁，让他们与幸福再次相遇。”

虽然说我没有很努力，但我还是相信这句话。

其实我不想在这里写这种entry，可是因为死人华文的blog不可以用。bobian -.-

LOVE -.-

2008-03-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Okaes, I really have nothing to do to blog like 2.30am. Just the Korean drama and I'm like, "WA DAMN HAWT SIO AND SO SILLY ABOUT LOVE SOMEMORE. DAMN I WANT THIS TYPE OF GUYS!!" Well, now I'm just like any typical dreamy girls. I'm like starting to laugh at myself, for I guess I did lost all hope in guys previously and now I'm gawking at these guys. -.- You know, the kind of contradictions of being cheated by guys and having sorta problems going on relationships, the next moment you enter her dreams, you see her drooling over HAWTT guys. Zzzzzz. Lame rights. But I guess it's just like what all girls are, no matter how many times you get hurt during the journey of love, you would never give up the hope of meeting a perfect one. Meh. I think I would never give up the hope of meeting a hawtt guy. Just like the qing wa wang zi bai jin nu. Hahaha. I know it's just so lame but whatever. I wanna go Kbox and Gloria Jeans. No money lehx. Zzzz.

There are times when I go so emo. and the next I'm daydreaming again. I really wonder how I think sometimes. There is a problematic dad, a menopause (I suppose by her mood swings?) mom, a GL cousin, a faraway aunt and uncle and emo. shit me. I always have to worry about these guys and the worst, for myself. I know I'm like such a pampered little princess in others' eyes, but I'm not that living happily ever after. I'm just gonna complain lahx. I know I'm lazy to do housework, likes to scold my dad for nothing (actually not nothing), grumble at my dad, keep criticising my mum for some stuff, worrying about this and that, sing in the middle of the night as if no people can hear me, likes to sleep until others are dismissed from school, likes to cry (but long time never lehx), likes to play Audition (last time bahx), am being to supersitious and etc etc. Yet, I cannot find a good reason for being, I don't know but whatever. RAWR. I'm like so frustrated over some unknown stuff. Humph. This sucks loads. Maybe it's PMS but it's not like it. Gwah. Love deprived is it? -.- Dunno lehx. Haiz.

How to say "I like you" properly?

2008-03-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

It's liked so fucked up. I'm still the same from all these years. So weak that I didn't even realise how i felt these two years. I'm just swaying between sudden thoughts. I liked someone I wouldn't say and I just hid it beneath for so long. For I hid it too long that I didn't realise it till I looked at our past conversations. -.- Fuck I'm such a idiot. Fuck the angel and devil. Just stop messing me up. Now the devil 60%, angel 30% and myself 10%. I know this is crap. But you won't know if you don't understand me. I'm just so messed up. Forget it. If I didn't grasp the things that I ought to do when the time was right, what rights do I have to take it now? Just take it I'm the bitch but whatever. I won't ask for anything. I just ask for us to be normal, back to the old times. I swayed between so much thoughts that I think I'm gonna go berserk. For once, I wanted to be honest with my feelings but I could not. HAHA. How hilarious. For once I'm such a bitch and now I'm like a pathetic puppy weeping here. Fuck it. Damn how stupid can I get. RAWR. I really need to go and become a nun for 3 months to clear up my thoughts. -.- Look, I need that crying again. I need to cry like there's tomorrow again. I cannot find anyway to vent my frustrations again, with much power I think. Cuz I think dancing and singing is jux not enough. I really need something to make me cry but I cannot find. It's like I just wanna cry out loud but I can't. I can even suppress how I cry and I'm amazed. Bwah. Whatever. idlu

SORRY BUT I HAVE MY LIMITS

2008-03-05T08:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is gonna be a shit entry as all of it will be talking about my dad. I'm really frustrated with the way he is. Really I am. No one can be any lazier than this. He took the papers and came to my face, show me the lottery tickets and ask me to check for him while I was playing Audition. I know I can be a little temperamental when I play Audition. It's not like he's blind or what and he have numerous spetacles catering to the needs of his eyes. I was like, "WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? SEE WHAT?"

"This, help me check the numbers." (And this is not the first time.)

"YOU CANNOT CHECK YOURSELF MEH?"

"I CANNOT SEE LAH! TALKING TO YOU LIKE TALKING TO SHIT, YOU ARE LIKE A DEAD PERSON INFRONT OF THE COMPUTER!" (*GLARES* at me, and the next minute, he is looking at the newspapers like he can see as NORMAL.)

WTF lahx. He can see and "cannot see' is only an excuse alright? Can anyone be more lazy than this? He is at the brink of his job, he doesn't have any income; loves to gamble and put the money on the grass for horses to trample on ; neglects his family; looks down on his daughter who goes to polytechnic studying tourism; rots at home and have no sense on how to support his family; leaves all the breadwinner job to the mother....etc... FUCK YOU! I'm really so disappointed to have this father, I'm really sorry to say this. I cannot hate you because your blood flows in me but you know, I don't feel like your daughter. Except for two things that you do fufill, that is fetch me around and packing food home for me. Other than that, I have no other impressions that is deep enough to leave me not disappointed. Actually, I'm not fit to be disppointed, but my mum does. She ought to be regretting, putting so much hopes on a man and what a failure he became. At least others have dignified, responsible and strong fathers. Not like mine, I guess it should be the other way round. I really love my mum. <3

I shall not dwell on how a failure he is, which I will have a long long long grandfather story to tell. For heaven's sake, he doesn't learn his lessons. So long already and he's at the same spot loitering. Man, I'm so appalled by the fact that my mum can bear with it for so long. I understand, it's for me but it's just as futile when she allows me to see this side of him. I'm so weak compared to mum. WHATEVER, FUCK IT!!!

Just another day

2008-02-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

HOHOHOHOHOHO! I'm back as usual after a long post break. Hahaha. I only blog when I have absolutely nothing to do. Life is so random. Time have past and it's JAE now. Let's just hope that everyone gets to the school that they put as first choice, including me, SAJC please accept me. Sometimes I just wonder why am I like that, so lazy and everything. I don't know. Well, that's just me.

And I realise, I don't know why people leave me. For whatever reason, they don't say and just disappear. How? No choice. Stay here and cry. Lols. I'm not so lame and I have no choice but to leave some things remain unsolved.

Still some more, people use lame excuses to get near me. Gimme a break already. Hurr, I really need a new resolution this year, I'm 17 already, I can't say young and I can't say old. 16 is damn wasted, for the fact that I did not do anything sweet nor extraordinary. It's just so ordinary 16. OMG. I'm so appalled by the fact that I wasted another year.

And I want a handsome boyfriend!! Just like that Japanese drama that I watched. They are damn hot. Lols. Bwah, I'm certainly crapping. Whatever, I'm too random today.

Devil beside you

2007-12-11T10:15:00.000-08:00

Well, well just watched Devil Beside You and it just made me realised something. And that is I'
m attracted to guys like Meng. Just like I did when I first met him. But the ending is just a tad different. Aye, I also cannot be like Yue anymore like I did, I mean not that kind but just as naive. Somehow the motive was different as well but nevermind, it's all over now.

But I will still try to accept the change now. I'm starting to acknowledge that everything that happened to me within these two years had left a deep impact on me. Everything that happened. Perhaps it meant a good change as well but not for now. Thanks to nette for pointing that out to me now. I guess it is those who stay with you all along that they will notice every single change.

Back to the topic of relationships. I seriously am not looking for any commitment. This may sound like a bitch but whatever. Maybe I can say I have lost total trust in love. All the guys I met are seriously fuck shits. Especially online ones, non are good. Perphaps this is too collective to say all the guys but really, maybe I'm just not good with guys. Those good ones are just not right. Zzz, how the hell I'm going to meet the right one. I don't want to end up marrying just for the sake of marrying. I really wanna find someone special and really fits the bill. I wanna try the feeling of falling in love again. I just can't find it or I should allow time to let fate fall into place.

I really have no idea about life now. I don't know where to head. I don't wanna grow up and go into the adult working world. It is so hideous. I wanna find the right work to go into and I shall work with passion if not life would be too boring. That dream, I really have no idea when it will come but again, I will just leave it too fate. Life's just a tad too difficult, isn't it.

Fate aye, I shall wait then.

Revived

2007-12-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

LOLS. So I am back here bloggin again. I know it's dead. So I'm here to revive. It has been a long time, hasn't it? The wounds which can't heal also stayed a tad too long, didn't it? Is wasn't the person who left the impact. It was the things he did. Everytime someone else does it again, it's just so familiar that the memory comes flooding into my mind. That it became too clear to even differentiate memory and reality. He left the impact and the other just relived it. I'm just another photocopy machine; copying again and again. Well i guess, I need a new life.

Now, I turned my attention to dance. Even though PA is not any place like NHDS but it's the only place where I can find real assurance and friendship. Where everything falls into place and is so amicable. At least I have people who can help me carry things. =P But I really have to thank them all who gave my life a new leash of hope. =D I like the atmosphere there with the people. It's not really sarcastic, competitive and stressful. Finally I am free. I can understand why she felt this way too. She found her own sanctuary, I found mine too.

Then again, I'm never going to AC even if I can make it. I don't want to be there. It's beacuse of a lot of reasons. To avoid them I guess. I changed due to them too. Never to succumb to peer pressure again. LOLS. Like what nette told me, it would be a better choice. Let's just see where fate will bring me to.

有些事；有些人；有些场所；有些话，不用提醒也已经深深地烙印在脑海里，怎么抹也抹不掉。
我或许依然活在记忆里，但现实也没有好到哪里去。我讨厌现在的自己，却也什么都做不了。这或许是弱者的话。但如果世界有分弱者与强者，我宁可是弱者，因为弱者不用背负责任。但如果不像强者一样面对困难，我也只有一辈子默默地忍受现在的我。我应该怎么办呢？好累啊，真的好累。我想还是继续等那位可以给我带来奇迹的人吧。

“老天爷会为那些曾经付出努力的人，搭起一个叫偶遇的桥梁，让他们与幸福再次相遇。”

我依然在等我的偶遇，又或许我这一辈子都等不到。

FUCK YOU.

2007-09-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

This is going to be hard, harsh, bad, cruel and inhuman. But whatever you say. Fuck you. As the title says means that I'm damn infuriated. Seriously, I don't understand a man can be so hurt by a two-day "relationship" and even if hurt, please don't try to hurt others by showing off your depression. Aren't you going to encourage that person to go into depression with you? I don't care that I'm going to be blunt and direct here. Do you think any pity will be shown to help your damn dispairing self? Let me tell you this, NEVER! That is only an cowardly act. Showing off that you are hurt, you are goddamn sad by this relationship and whatsoever. You are goddamn selfish! Do you think you are the only one hurt? Do you think the other party don't suffer guilt? All the more you show off your hurt, all the more guilt you inflict. Why? Aren't you a man? FACE IT ALREADY! Show that you are something more than a weakling hiding in the corner mourning that you are out of a relationship. Sorry for making it so blunt. I should have said this earlier. It may be harsh and I do hope you will wake up. You don't even deserve any pity and help when you don't even want to help yourself. Please, fucking end this misery already. What do you want me to do? Die to atone for my sins? Or what? Tell the whole world it's my fault? Fuck. Even if you are hurt, please don't flaunt it. I do get affected. I'm not playing around nor I'm treating this as a game. I deem it as a sidetrack. I guess I was lonely for too long at that point of time. I was blind or whatever you call. And I realise my mistake before it gets worse. What do you want me to do? Hate me for it? Please STOP your one-sided feelings. This is getting seriously irritating. You wanna be friends? Wishful thought aye? If you are bearing this grudge between us, do you think I still can be friends with you. Forget it man. Only if everything is settled, or should I say, your feelings are simmered then we can talk properly.

Not that I'm threatening this or what. You are mature enough to think properly as a MAN. Note the emphasis. Aren't a man nonchalant on this kinda stuff, moreover, it's so long already. If you have compassion by any chance, STOP blabbering all this shit about the past. Do you know it is posting much problems to others? Wanna suffer, you don't have to show it and make others suffer. I'm already dying from guilt. So please STOP IT. Pick yourself up and prove yourself to be better. Not sit in the corner and cry. You know what, I was glad that I did that because I hate people who are like this and I ended the agony earlier. You should have proven yourself to me that you were better and make me regret. But you know what, seeing you like this makes me feel that I was right that I ended it then. It was a good choice. If not, if it had dragged longer, it would haven been more difficult to deal with the situation.

Fuck. By any chance you read this post, I'm not least sad or anything. Plain anger. Or should I say a thread of relieve? Depression, emo., hurt etc is not an excuse. You are not mentally ill, you can control your feelings. You chose to be stuck there. Don't you wanna move on? If you don't, I want. Leave me alone with your "sufferings". I have had enough.

Lest you don't see the point of this post. I'm telling you to get up and move on. Don't build your sadness on someone else's guilt. It's your decision to be stuck there and I can only laugh at your stupidity and lack of determination if you keep on being like that. Quit being like that and prove to me. Seriously, yon don't learn. You don't even know how to fight back, lest protecting someone dear to you. Seriously, I ought to be glad huh.

hisashiburi / long time no see

2007-09-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

Well well, it has been a long time since I last blogged, even in the chinese blog as well. Because that damn password thing just won't work, so I'm back here. Just wanna vent some frustrations. It's not about school work stress ya, I'm never bothered by that because I always handle with a too-slack attitude. I wonder whether I would get into a jc or not. The most drastic thing is to get into C and J. That would be the worst nightmare ever but I only wanna go to the former for a lil spice of revenge. Everything can wait, my future would be decided by the audition, not solely by this. But i won't want to fall too badly even if I do not get into it, so studying for now would be a better choice in case of any emergency.

Actualy, life is so fucked up. Not too bad in overall but I just get the random emo feeling and starts to cry like there's no tml. I don't know why, seriously, I think I'm crazy. And one more thing, i really need to stress it very strongly. THE GUYS I MEET ARE ALL GODDAMN HORNY, DESPERATE AND BRAINLESS. Seriously, I wonder if those guys have brains even. I know going around Frenster, knowing people around is considered flirt? But whatever, when those brainless guys have the chance to talk to you, they talk about your body size, your bra size and how far you can accept those stuff. Screw it man, why don't you just ask me how much I charge for a night? (exaggerating here, don't think otherwise) Worst still, they don't even hav the humor to woo a women. They seriously lack the proper manners on how to ask a girl properly as well. I wonder how far can education shape a man, but I guess for these guys, they shouldn't have wasted money on education, it was all meaningless for them.

Well, all these utterly worthless meetings have led me to be damn disappointed in guys. Even my "first love", goddamn, they are all out for sex. And the best part, breakup (on Christmas) was that I refuse to have sex (or I was too innocent). Laugh out loud. I admit that I'm very affected by it and I really detest such guys. If getting together is just for sex, I guess a whore would be better to serve them. Even in few of my friends, those guys whom i thought to be "innocent", surprises mi shockingly. I wonder what this world is changing into. Pardon me for being offensive, having been suppressed for so long by all these guys, it's time for me to flare already. I do not condemn sex or anthing, but i condemn guys who ask for random sex without any suitable tactics, who were being very rude to ask such things at first meetings and those who use it as a lame excuse for requesting it or breaking up. Gosh. Can they even grow up? I reckon that they do not have brains because they are being controlled by that lil thing of theirs.

Haha, and I was once stupid enough to believe it. Never am I gonna accept this again. I wonder if my life is cursed, because I meet this kinda pattern of guys like having meals. Relationships are like this? I don't agree because I do see "normal" couples and "normal" guys who are not guided by the word sex. And seriously, why am I the unlucky one meeting these people. Give me a break already. Shoo! All these suay siao luck. Only worthy people are worth worthy things. If they treat it like nothing, doubt it's worthy anymore. Furthermore, there are consequences that are deemed as easy-to-deal with by others but sorry to me. Not that they are serious but it affects others. I do not want to build my happiness on someone else's misery. That's wrong.

Alright, end of my venting. Gotta rest. And I thought I planned to study the next minute. Opps.

wahaha

2007-06-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

so i'm forced to be back as dis eng blog is deemed as dead n sian. so i suggest u can go to my chin blog if u wan futher or latest updates but nvm, i wil stil update dis blog. doing it at 3am rite now, crazy but right. haha. so as i said, get away. dun force mi to push u, u noe i can. let mi go, i feel lyk suffocating everytime i see ur posts, jux go, leave all these pain n loneliness. it's not worthy anymore, no more use dwelling on e past. and it's only 2 daes, not lyk weeks, months or even years. to be frank, i dun even noe u long enough, we gave each other nth, stop all these. stop already. i'm always feelin so guilty, it's really lyk a burden, it's lyk i cant do anything but it jux keeps botherin mi, keep infestin my heart wif guilt, abt all e past memories. pls, forget it already and get a new one. hurr. i reali dun lyk dis guilt but i cant do anything. it irks mi. i'm sorry if i sound harsh but it's jux reali how i feel. come on, giv up already. gotta update dis blog soon too. ps, for those who kept urging mi to update, here you go. =)

2007-04-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

i look so slack and not feelin any stress due to my super uber light in weight bag. bwahaha, sumtimes it make mi ponder whether i'm reali slackin too much or is it just plain havin a light bag. okaes. crap. i feel so lonely nowadays, so lackadaisical, so dumb and most importantly so sian. i dun feel that i belong. woke up in e morning alone, wif parents falling apart, wif peer pressure, wif all those worries, wif everything and i have to face it alone. bein alone wen u face troubles, dats e worst. though i always try to look on e bright side but i dun seem to understand why i oways see e dark side. hurr. now i'm alone at home, starin at these silent furnitures and cold faces. my face i mean. it's just so cold. so cold. e spoiled television and no sound system comp jux dun make it better. thank god i stil hav my hp wif mi. haiz. life as it seems. i feel dat i'm so used to bein independent or rather alone so often, it wont be a problem wen i go overseas to study alone. it wont be alot of problem cuz i can withstand all these lonliness, i guess. yea, so it's alright i guess. haha. life. i dun seem to love it, but i wont end it either. i cant but everything at this moment seems so meaningless. i cant do anything to help myself, let alone help those i love. i can onli see them suffer and i can onli see. i cant do anything. hurr. forget it. shant crap so much.

jy ppl for dance, for studies, for everything. Like soldiers, march on. If we can make through the night, we will see the sun. =) Good Charlotte rocks.

2007-03-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

woots, it's gd dat i cleared all my hw! haha, btw, we nid to "cultivate" feelings for our dances. feedback was dat it wasnt feelin much. so yea, jy everyone! we wil go for it. =) hope so. gonna chiong revision for midyear tml. yawns, so tired. ><

2007-03-26T04:39:00.000-07:00

well hey ppl! =) so ya, so long since i last updated. that was like valentines? yea, so sec4 life IS stressful. finally, at least i know it, i feel it and i'm gonna face it. gotta prepare for e midyear n i promise dat i wont flunk anymore. at least, improve. i realised i had lost loads of things since then, alot of precious things i'm not gonna gain it back. but it made mi learn alot as well. so e bitchy, pragmatic, cocky n hurtful mi is back. bwahaha. *evil smirk* i dunno, i jux feel evil nowadays. hurr. mayb i'm hidin sumthin i dunno again, n i nid sumone or sumtime to find it out. okaes, so i'm crappin again. but nvm, now my aim is jux to study n jux stay ard. not gonna let anything make mi sway now. thanks for everything in e past, so near n yet so far. i miss-ed it.

2007-02-13T00:33:00.000-08:00

Valentines dae tml! haha. not my dae. =) yet, it's jux 2 daes aft my birthdae. watever i'm crappin, jux nid to sae, i'm so happi nowadaes, though broke but happi. haha. bb! happi valentines! =)

2007-01-27T19:38:00.000-08:00

Well hey. i'm back with this new and neater blogskin. guess i'm onli suited to black and white blogskins. life's still the way it is. now new stuffs jux dun seem to excite mi. grrr. so sian nowadaes. dun b surprised if i ostracise myself in one corner or stare into blank space all of a sudden. dance practs are back to normal and i guess everything shld b back to normal. haha. hurr. got nth to sae abt my stupid life. i guess i'm a born evil. dun mind mi crappin cuz i noe i jux feel lyk doin it. grr. so irritated. sec 4 life is still slacky for me. though i muz admit e slacker lyk mi still feel e stress and i'm not as slack anymore. bwahaha. woots. saw my pri sch fren yest and found out she's wif my pri sch crush and it's lyk so funny. lyk so ironic but still wish dem happiness ya. =) cool.

2007-01-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

hurr, this blogskin is abit screwed up in this blog. guess i'm switchin back to e old one. u noe wat it means. =) haha. doesnt matter if no one understands. all dat matters is dat i noe wat i'm doin. i no longer feel the hurt, not anymore. so sian now. didnt go to sch cuz chest was so painful dis mornin. yet e doc says it nth. i dunno. i jux feel pain. watever. i'm goin dance l8r. haha. though its syf but it jux feels different frm e previous one. dunno. watever it is, try our best jiu hao. =) stupid audition patchin now. i wan to go lvl 13, been stuck at 12 for god noes how long le. so shit can. grr. haha. i'm free!

2007-01-16T07:55:00.000-08:00

yea, i had thought it over. i guess i wasnt that hurt afterall. i guess this outcome was expected but its jux i overlooked e part dat sum1 could b so heartless. damn cold-hearted. curse him man. this is reali too much. a tad too much for me. now's e evil in mi. i reali is a bad gal. guess i jux hav to accept dis life. fated. haiz. too tired now. wil update on e l8r date. loads of lucks n love ppl. =) take care.

2007-01-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

heyyas. finalli got time to update le. i had never been so tired, physically and mentally. i think this should stop sooner or later. i hate to feel like this. seriously. this is making me crazy. i guess i'm just being stupid. hoping that i can change everything. now i regret. cuz i dun feel that others feel the same. it's so fucked up. save me from all of this, i'm so tired. i just need sumone to be dere and i dun feel it. i feel so shit. i feel alone and i cant feel dat security. i need sumone who understands me, sumone who can take care of mi more than i take care of him. cuz i feel lyk i'm throwin coins into sea now, i cant see it. i dun feel it. i want to be taken care of, not pampered like i use to, just take care of mi. be dere for mi and i'll always stay. dun make mi cry again. i hate dat. dreads it. damn it.

2007-01-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

It's now 2007! New start for everything. Gonna think alot about everything i do. Cuz i seriously don't know whether it's right or wrong. I seriously have no clue. I'm glad that i'm here but i don't know how to proceed. And furthermore, i cant slack! That's e worst case scenario. Bleh. Not gonna break my promises, really gonna pia and go to the school i want. Jyjy ppl. Esp sec 4s! Hee =) L rocks!

2006-12-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

wa. super sian, dunno got wat prob wif e blogskin, nvm, will change tml but i veri bu gan yuan leh. wa lao. sian. haha. it's a L blogskin lohx. hehe. i worship L!!

2006-12-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

Last day of 2006. Gonna make this day the last day of tears and heartbreaks. I'm very deeply really sorry about yesterday. Shouldn't have drank so much and troubled all of you to cab down. I'm really sorry for being childish and immature but i wasn't drunk. Just a bit out of control. Really. Not gonna let this happen again. Never again. Won't trouble you all like this again. Haiz. I really don't know what to say, i'm still like a small girl who needs to be take care of. Please, next time if i'm in this kinda shit again, don't bother about me again. Leave me alone. I feel more guilty if you all care about me. So just let me go. I guess i'm becoming worse and worse. So just let me take this alone. I'm gonna be alright. Just like this new blogskin.

2006-12-26T04:58:00.000-08:00

Heyas, i'm here to update on every 26th rem? went to kbox to sing e hell out of me and realise how much i love to sing. wahaha. i've learnt to let go. after much talkin and such, i guess i'm not that hurt afterall. at least it makes lettin go easier. i'm still me. same old me. the silly girl who tinks that she can do almost anything and in end she does nothing. okaes, pretty dumb. watever. gonna change blogskin soon. haven found a good one. gonna update on dis two blogs cuz it's now my past. =) thanks for everything. i'm fine okays? loves auddho n netteng.

2006-12-25T16:39:00.000-08:00

i dunno how to update this post. cuz i thought it would be a joyous one after christmas but it wasn't. i guess i wasn't strong enough, wasn't bad enough, wasn't cruel enough to say things out. i'm so sorry. been thinking the whole night, and my heart jux keeps achin, i thought i wouldn't be hurt all the while. cuz i was expectin this to happen, i guess i was sumhow prepared cuz i had thought of this before. but the more i thought, the more it hurts and it hurts like hell. wtf. wat is happenin to mi? i dun wan another tts senario. this sux alot.

i think it is so stupid to force things out. it's not like what soapy dramas. i reali dun care. no matter wat is done, i cant hate. i dunno how to. reali dun. i wished i could. but it's like, the road is walked till here, do we end here wen we stil hav a road ahead? it's not like it's a dead end. at least not like what ppl foresee. i dunno wat to sae. i'm dumbfounded. all these were excuses. excuses to let u runaway and suffer alone like u always do. now u leave two people lost and hurt on this lonely road. if that's the case, then i noe wat to do. thanks alot for everything. i'm fine.

2006-12-08T22:37:00.000-08:00

Okays. Not that i want to join in the recent hot topic but i guess i just wanna do sum comments on it. It's not wrong for people to express their thoughts i guess, though it's harsh. I mean these comments would lead to good results if the affected ones can work on it and prove themselves. It's not a very very bad thing to receive such comments. I know the kind of anger you get but after the anger, i guess people should sit down and discuss what had they done to cause this and work on it instead of verbal attacks or just simply denying the surface of this problem. Both comments are hurting but afterall, we are still from the same batch. So shouldn't we work together and solve it out? I guess we should tone down on the things being said and done. Whatever it is, i hope things will resolve sooner.

Woots. Can die from dance practs arhx. So tiring but fun! Bwahaha. Okaes, i'm in modern but i guess it's alrite bahx. Shhh. I noe y i cant be in modern cuz jc, ks and kenniy sae i veri chorlor. Kaes lohx, chorlor jiu chorlor. Haha. Nevertheless i stil love modern! Dum dum dalala dum dum dum. E music keeps ringin in my head. Gonna go see performance at pa le. Cya ard!

2006-11-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Heyas. Got to slack at home these daes. Been doin household chores and expectin calls. Feel lyk a housewife lohx. So stupid lahx but it's a good feeling anyway. Hmmms. Been thinkin alot nowadaes but whatever. Btw, i seriously need sum kbox. Anybody interested pls contact mi! =)

Also arhx, change e blogskin to kingdom hearts as requested. The previous 1 is so nice lohx, yet e entries part got prob. So sian. slackin now again. I wanna go out!

A new start.

2006-11-27T06:30:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl. Got a new blog add and skin cuz ya, there's a little change to my life and i guess it's time to update my laggin and not up-to-date blog. The old one will still exist but i don't know when i'll use back or not. I guess i don't have enough courage to delete that blog cuz there's so much things abt my past. Ya, memories you call that. =)

It's 26th of Nov. yesterdae and i guess the shock of my life happened and i'm lyk gwah! Whatever, i'm glad it happened. Thanks for everything. I said it was fated. I guess it is. I know it's abit fast but reality and feelings are two different things and i chose to follow the second option. No matter what happens next, i cherish this moment. Every 26th will be a special dae in my life, till the dae i die, i guess. I know it's stupid but it's true. Like so memorable okaes? Haha. Okaes. I shall answer myself. Hmmm.

Gotta not slack so much, at least do sum maths hw. I noe i had been slackin e past few weeks and i'm so poor! I need money, seriously in debt arhx. Wa. Die. But nvm, i'll think of a way. Haiz, life as it seems. =]